An amicable divorce can be more confusing to children than a divorce that ends a horrible marriage that had lots of stress and ongoing arguments. If one parent is abusive or in the throws of addiction, or there is constant tension in the home, divorce makes sense to children. In an amicable divorce, the reasons are not as obvious. If parents do attempt to explain the situation to kids, the reasons can seem like trivial excuses for breaking up a happy family.
Helping Kids Through An Amicable Divorce
One conversation or vacation specifically designated to have everyone share their feelings about the divorce is not going to resolve the mental conflict for children. While the best divorce lawyers advise both spouses to be responsible and work together in a civil manner in the best interest of children, a divorce between two people who love and respect each other seems pointless to kids.
Issues That Can Occur In Amicable Divorces
If there is no obvious reason for the marriage ending and kids can’t wrap their minds around why two people who love one another just grow apart, they may blame themselves for the divorce. Teens may be especially vulnerable because they are going through a turbulent time even without the divorce. Parents should be mindful of this and reassure all children involved that the divorce is not due to them.
Perhaps the most common negative effect children of divorced parents must contend with is fear of abandonment. Parents must explain that the love between two adults in a marriage is different than the love parents have for their children. The children must understand that neither parent will ever stop loving them.
Children of an amicable divorce may fantasize about their parents reuniting. They may even try to engineer it. This may lead to problems between children and the new partners of each spouse. Both parents must make it clear to the children that the divorce is permanent.
This doesn’t mean that it is better for the parents to fight constantly and berate each other at every turn. It means that all divorcing parents must make the well being of their children the top priority. Even though the marriage ended, the impact divorce has on children can last a long time.
